Saturday, August 06, 2005

Vampires*

Once upon a time there was a house. The house was in need of some interior design. The owner of the house decided that, since her and her husband were quite busy and her children should grow up in a decorated house, she would ask her niece to do it for her. Now, when she had asked her niece to do this, she'd forgotten that the niece had little to no sense of fashion, and dressed all in black. I'm sure one can guess what this led to. When the owner of the house came home one day, all of her walls were BLACK!! The first thing she thought of was that black is a slimming color. Her children liked the walls, and since black is very hard to paint over, the walls stayed a raven hue. One day however, one of the kids, a little boy of about seven, asked if he could sleep in a box. This led to one thing after another, and soon the whole family was sleeping in long, narrow boxes. One great advantage was that they no longer had large house payments!! Soon neighbors started disappearing. The mother thought nothing of it, and even enjoyed the lower and lower grocery bills each week. Soon, however, the other neighbors began to notice the strange goings on at the house. They reported it to the police who looked into it and soon after arrested the family. The mother used the money she had saved on groceries to get a lawyer. When it came time for the trial however, the lawyer was frustrated and confused, and quit, as he realized something was very wrong and he wanted to be no part of it. On the day of the trial, the family was quite hungry. Since they didn't want to be put in jail, they just ate the judge. The bailiffs, having suffered budget cuts of late, had had their guns replaced with wooden sticks, and were no match for the revived family. They got away and lived happily ever after.

*Vampires are NOT real!! Just so you know.

This story was inspired by an IM conversation with Shannon. Much thanks!!

10 Comments:

Blogger sdk said...

LMAO I actually had a dream about that last night! LOLOLOL!!!

In the dream, Alex (6 year old) is in high school and is having to live out the life of a vampire as a high school student.

LMAO!!!

sdk

1:23 PM, August 07, 2005  
Blogger John W. Sikma said...

i don't know if i should find that mildly entertaining, or excrutiatinly disturbing

2:53 PM, August 08, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

erika you just have major issues thats all... why dont you get off the computer and get a job!hahah!or go practice parking so you can drive me around or ill get a car b4 you and that would be very funny!well cya... im leaving caz your having issues!your bestest sister!

12:08 PM, August 09, 2005  
Blogger Tux the Arch-Viceroy said...

she's right you know. bestest sisters are always right

1:38 PM, August 09, 2005  
Anonymous The Glove said...

And what do you know about ti! You are simply a flightless water fowel, although her "bestest" sister has it right.

9:14 AM, August 10, 2005  
Blogger Petunia McGillicuddy said...

who knew you had a dark side??

10:06 PM, August 10, 2005  
Blogger Bensinger333 said...

Dear Erika,
Lay off the crack-cocaine.
Love,
Then Benjamin D. Singer Experience for the Ladies

P.S. This is what part of the alphabet would look like without Q, or R.

P.P.S. Vampires ARE real

P.P.P.S. Vampires don't eat people. They drain blood from their victims. And the only way to become a vampire is NOT to live in an all black house, but by a process called 'sireing', involving the vampire drinking of the victims blood and vice versa.

8:23 AM, August 11, 2005  
Blogger Erika said...

Shannon, very scary dream...poor kid, lol!!

John...well, it was late at night, ok:-) I'm usually pretty normal!!

Linz...I do NOT have issues!!

Tux, I don't listen to you, ur mean to me!!

Glove, good job;-)

Petunia...I don't normally...like I told John, it was late!!

Ben...R U BACK?? I'm NOT on crack, i swear!! What was that bit about the alphabet?? I think YOU mite b on crack...I promise that ppl vampires are NOT real!! My story was a bunch of made up stuff...probably why my vampire facts were screwed up:-) Good to hear from you!!

10:20 AM, August 11, 2005  
Blogger Petunia McGillicuddy said...

Geez, Ben how do YOU know that vampires don't EVER EVER eat people? Don't you think they get tired every once in a while of a purely liquid diet?? Sometimes just like I need a chocolate cookie a vampire gets a hanker for a hunk of... well, you know.

3:36 PM, August 13, 2005  
Anonymous brent said...

erika, you have WAY 2 much time on yur hands!!! seriously!

12:04 AM, September 02, 2005  

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